Well, the rumors are true: Gay marriage will ruin the sanctity of straight marriage. Need proof? Meet an Australian couple who are threatening to divorce if gays get the right to marry. Nick and Sarah Jensen believe that once those heathen gays can vow everlasting love to each other (and get equal rights), their own marriage becomes null, void and useless in the eyes of God—and thus, their own selves.

The Jensens appeared on the cover of the Canberra CityNews recently to make their very important proclamation: If the current climate of same-sex acceptance continues to grow in Australia and the federal parliament changes the official definition of the institution, the couple will be forced to divorce. Forced! Why? No one knows. It makes very little sense. Here’s what Nick Jensen (who is the leader of a prominent anti-gay group, something The Advocate reveals the CityNews failed to disclose) had to say about the couple’s decision:

“Why do this?” Jensen rhetorically asked the question many readers are likely wondering. “The reason is that, as Christians, we believe marriage is not a human invention,” he answered in the OpEd, later adding that “This is what we have to do as Christians who believe in a Biblical definition of marriage, that we can’t see that definition change in a way that no longer reflects God’s truth.”

What? How exactly is this something Christians have to do? Is it so that afterwards, the Jensens and whoever else is dumb enough to do this (Jensen claims he’s in the silent majority, which I do not believe) can whine about how other people being treated equally in the eyes of the law somehow strips them of their rights? That only Christians deserve the right to be married in the eyes of the Lord? If that’s true, why didn’t Jensen file for a divorce when he learned that non-Christians, even atheists, could get married?

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No one—trust me, no one—is coming for biblical marriage. What homosexuals campaigning for gay marriage are coming for is the ability to feel like citizens with equal rights, something that seems to be even more necessary considering that newspapers are willing to publish garbage like this.

The Advocate reports that the piece has been condemned by many, making it clear that Jensen’s “silent majority” is just a bigoted pipe dream. When asked why such a piece would run in the first place, CityNews’ editor said “I think this couple had an interesting angle, and that it was newsworthy. The article does not reflect the opinion of the paper. We published arguments and I decided it was a serious enough argument to genuinely warrant some attention.”

“It’s an unusual love story,” he continued. “And what would life be if people didn’t have different ways of life?”

Less bigoted, I guess? I see what the editor is saying, but it also doesn’t sound particularly genuine. With sexual minorities working so hard to gain equal rights, is it really that important to publish such a hate-filled view that doesn’t apply to many people? How many others will be emboldened to stand up against gay marriage and threaten to “ruin” their own in the process? My guess? Very few.

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In case you were worried about how the Jensens’ decision will affect their relationship and their children, the couple has stated that they will divorce legally but not emotionally. So while they’ll happily pull the stunt of getting divorced and blaming homosexuals for their choice (I did not know we had that kind of realultimatepower.net, but apparently we do), they’ll continue living together, loving together, and raising their children together. They’ll also still call each other husband and wife. The only difference is that they’ll do so as single people who have decided to pull a publicity stunt. And let’s be real, now that they’ve got all this attention on them, they’re probably not going to do it at all, choosing instead to discuss how God would never allow them to get divorced and that it would be a sin, and that no matter how hard the gays will work to take down the holy institution of marriage, the Jensens will persevere by continuing to live their lives even though their marriage, because of the gays, means nothing.

These people—these people are the real heroes of today.


Contact the author at mark.shrayber@jezebel.com.

Image via Canberra City News