Kathleen Tonn is many things: She’s a failed Senate contender, she’s a fan of slouchy hats, she’s a prop enthusiast, and she’s also completely and irrevocably mad, as can be seen from her wonderful testimony at an an assembly meeting in Anchorage, Alaska, during which she vehemently protested non-discrimination. No one asked her, but Tonn showed up with a suitcase full of props and a prepared monologue about sin, which, for some reason, included a tampon she waved around.

Raw Story reports that Tonn, who’s best known for speaking in tongues while fully dressed in a sauna, didn’t waste any time launching into her perplexing tirade, which began when she was asked to state her name and place of residence, something that was apparently not a closed-ended question for this particular Christ warrior.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. You like my trumpet? It’s a sound heard around the world,” Tonn said, before pulling a Bible from her briefcase.

“Tonn as in a ton of sin, a ton of judgment,” she said, as the chairman asked where she lived. “Hillside, where the sun was most of the summer. A ton of ‘nucular’ destruction.”

And then it went even further downhill, which I didn’t think was possible, but you should never underestimate the power of people willing to spew cringe-inducing rhetoric in the age of YouTube. Especially when they hear words such as “non-discrimination” and “gay rights.”

“Since one of my brethren introduced the King James Bible, since I represent the Lord Jesus Christ the great I am, I’m going to add to your public document and your public record from the public document of the great I am,” Tonn told baffled officials.

“Starting with, oh my — a tampon,” she said, pulling a feminine hygiene product from between the pages of her Bible. “Reminds me that little girls in pubescence get periods — female girls.”

“Now, since you want to create some ordinance to avoid discrimination for members of our community who engage in, I perceive, unhealthy, ungodly behavior, you might want to consider creating an ordinance for one who speaks in tongues.”

Fortunately, Tonn’s time ended there, but there is literally no way to translate what the hell she was saying into coherent English. There was just no point to the dramatics that were in evidence. It was almost like Tonn had gotten lost on her way to a high school forensics competition, ended up at the assembly meeting and thought “fuck it, I’m here.”

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Anchorage is considering a non-discrimination ordinance which would prevent employers and landlords from refusing work or housing (or firing and evicting) individuals based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Tonn’s thought process has not been verified, but it seems like she wanted to show how ridiculous catering to a fringe minority was—why should gays get rights if people who speak in tongues don’t?

According to Raw Story, Tonn shouldn’t be too upset. The assembly is considering an amendment which would allow citizens to discriminate against LGBT+ individuals, as long as it’s on religious grounds.


Contact the author at mark.shrayber@jezebel.com.