Soccer is Apparently Part of Gay Agenda Because of Colored Shoes

An Orthodox Russian priest is celebrating Russia's loss in the World Cup. Does he hate soccer? Yes. Because it's incredibly slow and boring? No. Because it's apparently all part of a "homosexual abomination" plan to oppose Christianity. Right. Of course.

Father Alexander Shumsky has apparently determined this by looking at the brightly colored kit of the various teams playing in Brazil. He seems particularly offended by the various multi-color shoes (cleats?) that the players have chosen to wear. The cleric has a column on the Christian website Russian People's Line where he argues that players who wear green, yellow, pink or blue shoes helped promote the "gay rainbow."

Wearing pink or blue shoes, [the players] might as well wear women's panties or a bra.

Padre, look, I appreciate all this attention you're lavishing on us, but I'm starting to run out of space on The Gay Agenda for all of this crap. I mean, come on. Now I have to shift those naked orgies with the demons from the fifth level of Hell in order to make room for soccer? Next you'll be demanding I move the Subaru Lesbian Marketing cars and coffee meet to account for adding subliminal messages to Skittles commercials. This agenda is getting pretty full.

The liberal ideology of globalism clearly wants to oppose Christianity with football. I'm sure of it. Therefore I am glad that the Russian players have failed and, by the grace of God, no longer participate in this homosexual abomination.

The Russian national team didn't win a single game and was knocked out of the competition in the group stages. Apparently because they made Jesus sad by wearing pretty cool looking footwear.

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