Those wily gays have done it again: They’ve taken advantage of some poor (relatively; they’ve got nearly $900,000 of supporters’ money) god-fearing Christians and forced them to bake a pizza pie for the most awful masquerade of sin: A gay wedding.
If you don’t remember the O’Connors, here’s a refresher: Back before Kim Davis took a stand against the way this country was going, Crystal and her father Kevin, who own Memories Pizza in Walkerton, Indiana, happily announced on the news that they would discriminate against gay customers trying to get a wedding catered. Then the backlash occurred. Someone created a website mocking them. The O’Connors claimed they were receiving death threats and closed down their pizzeria. But then they received nearly a million dollars in donations, were compared to Anne Frank living in the Nazi-occupied Netherlands (which is a very popular defense for many bigots of today) and opened their shop back up, only to be condemned to an eternity of pain and torment because they did, in fact, cater a gay wedding. Too bad god didn’t warn them?
Raw Story reports that the idea to get Memories to cater a gay wedding (with an actual child involved in the ceremony!) came from the mind of Robin Trevino, a gay comic and dad of a one-year-old (that’s the kid I was talking about) who wanted to renew the vows he and his partner, Jason Delgatto, took in 2008, when they both agreed to break down the sanctity of marriage and have butt sex even though lots of people didn’t want them to. And when you’re renewing vows, you’ve got to do something special to commemorate your continued attack on the oppressed Christians of America—every time two gays get married, a Christian loses a right—, so Trevino headed down to Walkerton for some delicious cheese-covered dough.
He drove to Walkerton, where he ordered two pizzas from Crystal O’Connor — who said she would deny service for a same-sex wedding reception after state lawmakers passed the anti-LGBT Religious Freedom Restoration Act in March.
Trevino and Delgatto exchanged vows in a celebration joined by their 1-year-old daughter, and the couple served Memories Pizza to their cheering friends and family.
“Memories Pizza just catered our gay wedding,” Trevino announced as friends shrieked with delight.
“How could someone do that?” you may be asking yourself, shocked and appalled. Listen, I get it: gays are sneaky. But it’s the O’Connors’ fault for not asking whether the pizza they were making would be used to promote sin and sodomy. If you’re serious about not catering gay weddings, you’ve got to make sure to ask each and every person what they’ll be using the pizza for. It doesn’t even matter if they’ve got a kid and you think it’s for a birthday party, O’Connors! If you’re determined not to burn in hell with the ass-masters, you’ve got to turn to that child and say “will this holy pizza pie be used for good or for evil?” They’re letting gays have kids now, O’Connors! Your refusal to condone that is the last stand against the powers of Satan here in America.
To add insult to injury, the O’Connors can’t even try and get money from their adoring public this time. Not only have people moved on to the next big name bigot, but GoFundMe has changed its policies to prevent raising money for causes that discriminate or bully others. :(
Unfortunately, a call to the pizzeria was not returned. I’m going to assume that it’s because they don’t open until four and not because Memories Pizza was immediately struck down by God for their grave mistake of supporting the homosexual lifestyle, evidence of which was caught on tape for convenient viewing during their time of judgment.
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.